Creating a More Spacious Life

(This is a picture from the top of a mountain, taken when my son Gabe asked me, spontaneously, to drive up and join him at his campsite for dinner one evening. Because there was "margin" in my life, I could accept the invitation and it will always be one of my best memories with my boy.)

A wise friend of mine once said, "First, there is the life you learn from; then, there is the life you live."

If that is true, then one of the things I gleaned in The Life I Learned From is that I blossom best in certain environments. My "element" is being in a loving marriage; prioritizing time with family and dear friends; plenty of free time with breathing space for creativity and rest, particularly after a day of giving or focusing on others. One of the perks of hitting mid-life, it seems to me, should be designing a life you love waking up to, based on all those decades of learning about what brings out your best self.

I have experienced what it feels like to have 5000 people standing and applauding a speech I just gave. I know what it is like to write books that thousands of people read and enjoy. And it was wonderful. But it was nothing compared to the "story "my four year old grandson Nate dictated to me last week, where he had me write: "Nonnie and me have been BEST friends." I have lived widely; now I want to live deeply. I've lived large;now I cherish one on one time with family, fewer friends, fewer activities, fewer projects. And I want to savor and enjoy what I do include in my life much more.

If you resonate with this and want to create more breathing room in your life in general, to do less but do it with focus and care, here's one way to begin the journey.

Make 3 Lists.

In list #1: write down the activities & people that you love AND that leave you energized.

In list #2: write down the activities and people that you feel passionate about, and want to prioritize, but... if you are honest, they are energy drainers. That's okay, you want these things or people in your life, but you need to preserve energy for them.

In list #3: write down activities and people you do not enjoy at all, but feel an obligation to keep in your life, either out of guilt or necessity.

Now, take a hard look at List #3. Take your time, this doesn't have to be done in a day.
Now, see if you can do one of three things with this last list:

1. Cross it out and fuggedaboutit
2. Delegate it or if you can afford to -- hire it out. Or barter it away with creative trading.
3. If you have to do the activity or see this person -- see if you can minimize the amount of time it (or the person) takes, or minimize the amount of brain space or emotional energy you "rent" to it. Or, make seeing the person or handling the task more enjoyable by rewarding yourself either during or shortly afterwards with something pleasurable and restorative.

For example, one of the activities I don't yet enjoy very much is exercising. But, if I can listen to an audio book as I walk, or chat and walk with my husband, it is easier. Even pleasurable. I could also reward myself in some way. Perhaps after a week of walking 10 miles, I treat myself to a cute work-out T shirt. Or I walk to Starbucks and reward myself with a cold Tazo tea and a healthy treat when I arrive.

If you have friend or relative whom you care about, but find yourself stressed or drained after time with them, see if you can orchestrate your time with them in a way that is less mentally exhausting. Can you see a movie or meet at a restaurant, rather than having them to your home where they may tend to linger too long? Can you kill two birds with one stone, and walk with them as you talk, rather than sitting and talking?

Also, on days when you have to do a lot of List #2 or #3 items, try to space them apart with days that have more List #1 items. When given a choice, cushion your difficult days or high energy days with days of ease or pleasure.

You may think that if you just push, push, push without breaks that you'll get more done or get all caught up. News Flash: The Land of All Caught Up is like Neverland or the Land of Oz. It never really arrives and when you look back on your life; trust me, you don't want to look back in regret, having missed the moments that make it worth the journey.

Truth is: I write better and generate more creative ideas when I take time to be with friends who energize me. I counsel and listen more deeply and love others with more focus when I've taken time to be alone and have filled my tank by reading, or journaling or simply putzing around doing whatever I want to do at any given moment. I'd even go out on a limb and say that when I live my life with more pleasurable spaces, between the more energy-draining stuff, that I get twice as much accomplished. Because I'm more fully present and energized for the tasks at hand, they get done with more ease and less angst.

Finally, for myself, I'd like enough free space or margin in my life that I can graciously adjust to an interruption, a real pressing need that pops up. I'd like to be, in a word... more available. Somebody needs to be available in a world when everyone is so busy they can hardly take time to breathe, much less slow down enough to soothe a hurt, or rock a baby, bring a casserole, or listen deeply to a child's inner thoughts. I realize this was not always possible when I was raising small children and juggling a busy career; so I am enormously grateful to finally be able to live a more spacious life.

"Actually,margin is not a spiritual necessity. But availability is. God expects us to be available for the needs of others. And without margin, each of us would have great difficulty guaranteeing availability. Instead, when God calls, He gets a busy signal." from the book Margin by Dr.Richard Swenson

Warm Spinach-Bacon Salad with Goat Cheese & Tomatoes

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This is one of my favorite go-to spinach salads. Here's a recipe for two.

Pan fry 4 slices of bacon in a small skillet.
(I like to use the thin pieces of pre-cooked bacon, weighing in at only 70 calories for all 4 slices and cooks up quickly)

Remove the bacon, drain and crumble for topping the salad later, leaving about 1 teaspoon or less of of bacon drippings in the pan. To the pan about 1/8 cup of any oil & vinegar based dressing (I like Balsamic or Italian) and 1/8 c. a sweet French type dressing (I like Catalina). Stir, and warm the dressings until just bubbling.

Pour desired amount of dressing over two individual salad bowls of spinach, sliced tomatoes, bits of goat cheese (or feta or blue or Gorgonzola cheese) and a few toasted pine nuts. The hot dressing will soften the spinach a bit. Top with reserved bacon crumbles and serve.

Serves 2.

Best Ever 'Nana Pudding or Banana Cream Pie with Almond Coconut Crust

My son, Gabe, is a 'Nana Puddin' gourmet, always in search of pudding perfection. He declares this recipe the BEST. I've worked a long time on perfecting the recipe so that it is just right-but-not-too-sweet, and fail proof. No reason to make pudding from a box, or try to hide the boxed taste by adding cream cheese, Cool Whip and sweetened condensed milk-- which boggles the mind and taste buds.

Using both brown & white sugar adds a smooth subtle caramel tone, and because with this method you don't have to temper the eggs, I've never issues with floating "egg bits" or flour lumps.

I've also included a recipe for a wonderful crunchy pie crust made with graham cracker crumbs, coconut and almonds if you prefer to make a banana cream pie instead of a pudding. My sister Rachel is a huge banana cream pie fan so I created this recipe for her, which provoked an eyes rolled to heaven response upon taking the first bite.

Vanilla-Scotch Cream Filling


3 cups whole milk
1/3 c. white sugar and 1/3 c. brown sugar
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt (may use up to 1/2 t. if you are using it in pudding... the pie shell, however has enough saltiness from the butter that you want to err on the side of less salt if using this as pie filling)
3 large egg yolks, well beaten
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla


With a wire whisk (use a heatproof rubber coated whisk if you are using nonstick pots)-- stir together all the dry ingredients in the bottom of a large sauce or soup pan.

In a separate large bowl, beat egg yolks well and slowly add milk , whisking, until there are no little “egg bits” and it’s one creamy mixture.

Slowly whisk the milk/egg mixture into the dry ingredients over a medium high heat, stirring constantly. It will take a while, but when the mixture begins to bubble and boil, count sloooowly to 60 because you want to make sure it boils the full minute. (If it looks like it is going to boil over, turn down the heat a bit.) Remove from heat and stir in 2 T. of butter and 1 t. vanilla.

For Pudding: Layer cooled pudding with Nabisco brand vanilla wafers and about 3-4 sliced bananas, ending with wafers and topping with whipping cream just before serving. Gabe prefers his pudding cold, served within an hour so the wafers aren't too soggy, waiting to top with fresh vanilla wafers just before serving so you also get a nice crunch.


Whipped Cream
Whip a small container of whipping cream. (Or however much you want.. a cup of whipping cream makes plenty for one pie.) Slowly whip in a few Tablespoons of powdered sugar – to taste - and 1 t. vanilla. (I like regular whipping cream much better than heavy whipping cream and using powdered sugar instead of sugar to sweeten as helps it stay “whipped” in a Tupperware in the fridge for several days.)


Banana Cream Pie with Almond-Coconut Crust

(Follow directions above for pudding, let pudding cool and slice in 3 bananas or as many as you like. Pour into pie shell below and top with whipped cream. Best served within an hour after filling is in the shell. You can also refrigerate the filling (without bananas) make the crust ahead of time and assemble the pie 30 minutes to one hour before serving. )


½ stick salted butter, melted

¼ c. almond slivers

1 c. graham cracker crumbs – (store bought, in baking aisle)

¼ c. finely grated, preferably unsweetened, coconut


Mix melted butter with graham cracker crumbs. Pat into a pie pan. Sprinkle almond slivers on bottom of pie crust. Bake at 350 about 5 minutes to let it harden and to toast the almonds.

"Chill in the Air" Clam Chowder

(View from our backyard this week! Can you feel the autumn nip in the air?)







The first real chill in the air came to Colorado this week and with it, a hankering for good clam chowder, the sort we once tasted on our trip to Boston and Cape Cod a few years ago. There is nothing worse, to me, than a bowl of clam chowder that tastes like thick white gravy.... so I don't use any flour to thicken. Just pure cow's cream. We don't have clam chowder that often, and some things in this life simply call for heavy cream, no substitutes. This is one of them. This recipe is generous on the clams, as well. If you use small golden potatoes you don't need to peel them and they hold up very well in chowders.

However, I'm all about quick and easy, so I used some Ziploc steam bags to help speed up the process. Here's how I put it together:

In a Ziploc steaming bag place 2 peeled carrots & 4 -5 small golden potatoes (skin on)
Nuke 4 minutes, while you saute 1/4 onion and 2 stalks celery, diced, in a little olive oil until tender-crisp in a soup pot. (You can cover pan to speed cooking, since you don't need to brown these.)

Greg doesn't like the texture of onions & celery, so at this point I blended them with 1 c. vegetable broth into unrecognizable flavor:) For those who enjoy the texture of onions & celery, simply add 1. c. vegetable broth (or chicken broth), a minced garlic clove and 1 bay leaf to the pan. Simmer. It is okay for the broth to reduce by as much as a half, as there's plenty of liquid to come!

When carrots and potatoes are tender, let cool to touch, release from steam bag, then dice and add to vegies in broth. (Greg loves corn, so I also added about 1/2 cup frozen baby white and yellow corn at this point. Totally optional.) Continue to simmer and then...

Add 4 small cans chopped clams, with juice. (6.5 oz each, I used Snow's brand.)

Heat through, gently. (Clams can get tough with too much simmering.)

To this add 1 pint heavy cream. You may also want to add a little sherry or dash of white wine. Some recipes even call for a tad of scotch.

Season with sea salt and pepper to taste. I like a little heat so I used a dash of Tony's cajun seasoning as well (or dash of cayenne or Tabasco would also work). If you like a hint of sweetness, a little pinch of sugar is nice. Finally, remove bay leaf.

Serve with a nice crusty bread and salad or fresh fruit slices.

3 Minute Chocolate Cake in a Mug: "The Most Dangerous Cake in the World"

Sometimes dubbed "The Most Dangerous Cake in the World" this recipe has made its way from email inbox to inbox, satisfying cravings for "something chocolate" in no time, with ingredients most of us have on hand.

I made this today with my grandsons, who thought it was mighty cool! And this Nonny was duly impressed as well. Makes enough for two servings, and best served warm with vanilla ice cream!

Chocolate Cake in a Mug

1 large coffee mug

4 tbls. flour (plain..not self -rising)

4 tbls. sugar

2 tbls. cocoa

1/8 t. baking powder

1/8 t. salt

1 egg

3 tbls. milk (may substitute strong coffee instead for mocha flavor)

3 tbls.oil

2 tbls. chocolate chips (optional)1

1 tbls. chopped pecans

small splash of vanilla


Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.

Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.

Add the chocolate chips and/or nuts (if using) and vanilla, and mix again.

Put the mug in the microwave and cook for around 2 minutes (depending on the strength of your microwave, you may want to cook it for a little less or a little longer but it is best not over cooked)

Remove from mug and share 1/2 with a friend, husband, child or grandchild - if you are in a sharing frame of mind:) A dollop of vanilla ice cream makes it extra special. A squiggle of chocolate syrup on top of that, makes it decadent.

Play Dough: Recipe to Amaze & Entertain the Kids & Grandkids!

(Two of our grandsons, Nate and Titus, happily making their own creations and Poppy & Nonny's house.)

Make this recipe in a jiffy, and you will never buy commercial stiff, smelly, easily-dried out play dough again.

This dough stays soft in a Ziploc bag for months and months. It also handles being left out of the bag, without drying out.

Nate & Titus, age 4 and 2, played with it for 3 hours today! So you get an awful lot of playtime creative bang for your buck. I bought a big bag of plastic cookie cutters at an antique store for $2.00 and then gave the boys plastic knives, forks and spoons and a rolling pin. Nate normally has a hard time staying interested in any one toy for long, but play dough fun allowed his creative mind to go wild.

(Nate, wearing his Batman costume while rolling out play dough. Super Heroes cook too!)

In addition, its fun to watch how quickly it comes together on the stove, which can impress the kids.

Best Ever Play-Dough

Ingredients:

1 cup flour
1/2 cup salt
1 cup water
1 Tablespoon oil
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
Food coloring by drops

Begin by mixing the salt and flour together, then add the rest of the ingredients.
Cook and stir with a wooden spoon over medium heat. (Easiest if you use a nonstick Teflon-type pan, and I prefer to use a big soup pan because it comes together faster.) It will get thicker, and look lumpy. Turn heat down a bit at this point but keep stirring until it turns in to one big smooth round ball of dough, following the spoon around the pan. Cook until you can touch it (carefully, obviously it is hot!) without it sticking to your finger.

Immediately turn out dough onto cool counter. When cool to touch, knead it a bit and then, it is ready to go. Keep in Ziploc bag (with air squished out of it) when not in use.

LaRae's Harvest Butternut Soup

I just finished two bowls of a delicious butternut soup, full of flavor, creaminess and a touch of sweet from the squash and apple. It tasted like an autumn harvest in a bowl. Looking at the ingredients, it is also chocked full of nutrition and fabulous fiber. Finally, it is also vegetarian friendly and if you sub almond, soy or coconut milk for the half and half, it could easily be vegan.

I owe a big thanks to LaRae Weikert, for this recipe, who not only has good taste in food, but is one of my favorite editors and one of my most beloved, interesting and kind friends. Whenever we visit my husband's hometown of Eugene, Oregon, I love to meet with the 3 Amigos, all editors or writers: Carolyn McCready, Hope Lyda, and LaRae. I can count on those gals to pick a yummy restaurant and dive into interesting, honest, deep conversations with plenty of laughter on the side.

I titled LaRae's recipe, "Harvest Butternut Soup" as a nod to the publishing company (Harvest House) that these three beautiful women have worked with many years, and who published 9 of my books. Harvest House has been, far and away, my all time favorite publisher to work with and these three women have a lot to do with that.


1 medium butternut squash, peeled and chopped
1 cup chopped celery
1 cup chopped carrot
1 cup chopped onion
1 apple chopped
6 cups chicken or vegetable broth
Half-and-half

Combine the squash (I roasted the squash in the oven for about 30 mins. and then added it to the vegetables and apple), celery, carrot, onion, and apple with the broth in a sauce pan. Cook until the vegetables are tender, stirring occasionally. Slightly cool the mixture before processing in blender or Cuisinart until pureed. Add enough half-and-half to make the soup creamy. (Becky's note: check seasonings to see if you may need to add a little sea salt or pepper.) Add a little nutmeg for flavor. Cook in a sauce pan over medium heat just until heated through.

Becky's Notes:

I topped my soup with a few buttered croutons, as you see in the picture above, but was thinking it would also be delicious topped with a teaspoon of roasted pumpkin seeds or pinenuts and perhaps a small dollop of Greek yogurt or sour cream.

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Tip: If you are in a hurry, these steaming bags are real time-savers.

I used one to cook the butternut squash, another to cook the carrots and apple (I left the peel on, just removed seeds). It only takes 3 minutes in the microwave. While these vegies were cooking, I sauteed the onions and celery in a tiny bit of olive oil. Then continued cooking as directed above.

Another time-saver is to use frozen butternut squash, which usually works very well in soups.